It Is What It Is

"It is what it is."  My new motto.  I have endured a lot of...trials and tribulations...in 40 years of life.  I never knew how to just relax and go with the flow until about a year ago.  The last...myriad...of years of my life have really helped me to not stress the little things.  It's a great feeling not worrying about the things that are beyond my control.

I know some people who are quite...annoyed...with that phrase.  And I'm sorry you're annoyed by it, but you'll hear me say it.  A lot.  I have spent too many years stressing things that are out of my realm of control.  I'll not have another stroke, another heart attack, or another nervous breakdown.  They weren't fun.  Not on my bucket list of things to try twice.

Almost 40 years ago, I was put up for adoption.  I have known this information since I was old enough to understand the English language.  I was teased in school A LOT for being adopted.  I was called "Orphan Andy."  I remember one day getting fed up with the teasing and telling one boy "At least my parents got to choose me.  They didn't get stuck with something that looks like you."  He shut up real fast.  And left me alone for the rest of the year.

20 years ago, I met my biological father for the first memorable time in my life.  We met at The Bel-Loc Diner in Towson.  It was Bruce Dayhoff (my biological father), Jeana Long-Dayhoff (his wife), Lynda Lynne Dayhoff-Leight (my older sister), Steven Leight (her husband), Nicole Lynne Mazuran (nee Dayhoff, my younger sister) and Jeana's three children.  On my side it was Joanne Hohman (my ex-wife), Ricky Hohman (my son), Paula Blair (my ex-step daughter) and Steven Johns (her husband.)

The meeting started off well.  Then, a few...mitigating circumstances...occured and the meeting went to hell in a handbag.  Quickly.  Bruce gave me his at-that-time contact information.  Things happened, and the information was lost.  I had no contact with him, and little contact with Lynda, for almost 15 years.  In that time, life happened.  And death happened.  After moving to Texas, he and I reconnected via Facebook.

It was slow going at first.  2 months ago, I moved back to Maryland to be more active in my son/grandkids' lives.  In the process, he and I have reconnected even more.  We talk on Facebook relatively frequently now.  We've reconnected in person twice (once at his house, once at a Golden Corral in Hagerstown with my son.)  He said something to me today on Facebook about having the memory of my adoption on his chest and trying to make up for it.  I told him that the past is in the past.  What happened happened.  There's nothing either of us can do about it.  I know it will weigh on his mind for some time, but I reassured him that I hold no grudges, no animosity for what he did.  He did the right thing.

I have a very unique blessing in my life.  I have my Mom and Dad, June and Robert Hohman.  They have given me a life.  A wonderful life.  All of my needs were met very aptly, and beyond.  And I thank them and love them for that.  But I also have another father, the man who gave me life.  Then made the decision to allow me to have a life.  And I thank Bruce Dayhoff for that just as equally.

I know, this seems to have strayed greatly from the topic.  Worry not, I'm tying it together right here.  It was what it was, and it is what it is.  He had to do what he had to do.  And there's absolutely no viable point in stressing about it lo these many years later.  He never transgressed in such a way that he had to worry about apologizing to me or seeking forgiveness.  Circumstances were beyond his control, and he did what he felt was right.

With that, I bid you adieu.  And remember, don't sweat the small things...