How I Became a Time Lord

I speak a few languages; some are real, some are not. For example, I am legitimately bilingual; I speak English and Spanish. I also speak Gorean, Kassar (though not often), smartass, dumbass, and sarcasm.  However, I did not know that I spoke Gallifreyan...

Well, not really.

According to the Dr. Who canon, there are only a few ways to become a Time Lord; be conceived (and born) on a T.A.R.D.I.S., absorb regeneration energy given to you directly from The Doctor, or be "produced" from a Loom. With that being said, you may ask yourself why the title of this states I became a Time Lord when none of that applies to me; chances are you did not ask yourself that, but it sounded good in my head. Don't judge me.

Moving on.

Again, according to the canon Whoniverse, Time Lords are the upper crust of Gallifreyans; they can, and do, travel the universe in a T.A.R.D.I.S. (Time And Relative Dimension In Space. So, for the non-Whovians, Time Lords are exactly as the first word of their name implies; time travelers. They can travel to the past, the future, or anywhere in time they choose; be it the moment time started, or the moment time itself ceases to be. Now, back to the question you did not actually ask yourself; how did I become a Time Lord?

Yes, there are going to be a lot of Dr. Who references; get over it.

On with the show.

How am I a Time Lord?  Quite simple, actually; everyday, or so it seems, I travel from the past to the present to the future. And just when I think my journey is done? Wash, rinse, repeat. I never leave the lack of comfort of not being on my own couch; it all happens in my head.

I hear a bang, or someone shouting angrily, or something gets thrown in my general vicinity and suddenly I'm in the past; I could be there for moments, minutes, hours, even months. When my adventure finally ends, I am transported (rapidly) to the present again; which is unfortunately short-lived. Upon reminiscing my adventure into the past, I am rapidly transported to the future; and that adventure could last as short or as long as the adventure into the past.

And, much like the above gif, it seems to be a never ending loop.

So how did I become a Time Lord? I was abused and now suffer from PTSD; it just sounds way cooler to call myself a fuckin' Time Lord...

Now if only I could figure out regeneration; maybe being a woman would be fun. I mean, I'd play with my own boobs all day...